Twinkle twinkle little star x

Dear Daddy,

How are you up there? I hope you are happy and enjoying yourself, please look down on us from time to time and see how much we love you.
Katie, Gabriel and I came to see you today. We went to the church service at Bridell with Uncle Tom and Auntie Iris, Auntie Rosie, Auntie Margaret and Cathy. It's a nice service but they have some rotten hymns that no one knows and the organist God bless her only seems to know the one tune- you would find it amusing! Gabriel was delighted when Auntie Margaret gave him two toy cars and proceeded to have races through the service, using the hymn books as tunnels!
It was the first time Auntie Margaret has been to church since before Christmas, so the first time she had been to your grave. She didn't say much in the graveyard, like us all she was devastated when you died and I know you and her were particularly close growing up. Her hospitalisation and having to miss your funeral was, I suspect, very hard on her. Your family love you so much, we ALL do x
Auntie Rosie and Auntie Iris had been down to do your grave during the week. They have removed all the dead flowers, turned the earth over to make it neat and planted the bulbs I left in a pot for you. They had brought you flowers too, Katie and I also brought some down so your plot is looking very bright now.
I am missing you with all my heart, everyone is. As strange as it might seem I don't want to stop missing you, because I don't want to forget you. If I close my eyes I can still see you and hear your voice. It's been six weeks since you died, I think about you all the time and wish you were here.

Love you Daddy,

Helen xxx

One card is missing.....

Dear Daddy,

Yesterday was my 30th birthday, I tried to be festive but really it was rather a sombre day for me. We stayed at the Gwbert hotel on Sunday night, you'd love it there and I kept thinking that we'd have to get you to come down but of course that's not possible. You knew the place though and loved it there, the beauty of cardigan bay makes me feel close to you somehow, I know how proud you were to have come from such a beautiful part of the world. Lee, Gabriel and I came to Bridell to see you yesterday, it didn't feel right not seeing you on my birthday, I brought you some narcissus and daffodil potted bulbs so you should have colour there for a while.
I had a party at the pub on Saturday night it was fun, I just wish you had been there but we all raised a couple of glasses to you and will continue to do so regularly.
I got so many great presents and cards but I long for the card from you that should be amongst them x

Miss you so much daddy, love you forever,

Helen xxx

Painting a picture for Grandad

Dear Daddy,

I'm missing you a lot today, it's coming up to our fourth week without you. It doesn't seem real, but it is. I miss seeing you and hearing your voice, you are no longer on my recent calls list. Your car is here now and I keep waiting for you, I don't know what to do with the car. I had a good chat with Gwyn last night and I gave him a photo of the two of you at my wedding, he misses you so much aswell. It's my birthday soon, we are going to stay down in Gwbert and will come to see you both days we are down there, I wish you were here to celebrate with me.
Gabriel and I did some painting this afternoon, he said he was painting a picture for grandad - I wish he could give it to you.
I've got a picture of you on the wall now, you look so happy and well in it. I can't believe i'm never going to see you again.

I love you daddy,

Helen xxx

Gabriel's first haircut!

Dear Daddy,

Katie and I took Gabriel for his first haircut today. We went to a children's hairdresser shop in mumbles he loved it!! He had a play with the toys they had there then he got up in the big boys chair (barbers stool) and they put peppa pig on his own little tv for him. He was good as gold having his haircut, sat really still and ate the biscuits the hairdresser gave him. He has a little short back and sides now with a side parting, its a lot like your hair actually! He looks so smart and grown up, you'd be so proud, wish you were here.

Love you daddy,

Helen xxx

Missing you today daddy x

Dear Daddy,

I miss you. Today I have missed you a lot. I went back to cake class today, I haven't been since you died. You always watched the bar so Lee could look after Gabriel when I went there. When I came home today you weren't there, I wondered why and then I remembered. You used to come up and sit with me and Gabriel when I came back from class, the last time I went the three of us sat at the table and had spaghetti bolognaise for dinner, it was exactly 3 weeks ago. I've been checking my phone all the time today, I just realised I've been waiting for you to ring me.
I love you daddy and miss you so much.

Love you always,

Helen xx

Monday, Monday x

Dear Daddy,

Hope you're having a good time up there, please feel free to visit anytime! It's been another tough day without you. I had to hand the keys to your flat back today. I went there first to get the meter readings for the utilities, your mat was still outside the door and your name still on the mailbox but the flat was completely empty. Don't worry though we have all your stuff at mums garage and we will be using it all, we don't want to forget you daddy and we won't I promise x
Gabriel has been poorly today, he has a cold and his little voice is all husky bless him. I keep showing him photos of you and of course he knows his grandad! I forgot to tell you about the night we had a bit of snow, Gabriel was watching it fall through the window in the office, he was getting so excited and shouting its snowing. My first thought was to ring you to come see him, but of course I couldn't, I hope you saw it anyway.
He has been a little monkey about going to bed since you've been gone, I've had to cuddle him to sleep every night. I don't mind though as you know he is a little darling, just look at him!
I'm going to carry on writing to you to keep you up to date with what's going on here.

Love you always,

Helen xx

Visiting your grave for the first time x

Dear Daddy,

Today we came to visit you for the first time, I got you some pink roses and yellow one from Gabriel. It was so strange to buy you flowers, I so wish I didn't need to. Mum, Katie, Gabriel and I went to the service at Bridell. Gabriel was so funny, even though he has a nasty cold he is just the sweetest, funniest little boy, I'm sure he takes after you in character. He didn't want to sit still in church, he had his little blue racing car and he was climbing up and down the pews and running up and down the aisle. I tried to get him to sit down but the canon told me to let him carry on, so I did. Well he was climbing in and out of the pulpit, talking to the canon during prayers and running up to the altar, carrying the kneeling cushions back to me, piling them up and climbing on top, we were all giggling, he even tried to join in with the organist!! He really is keeping me going at the moment.

It was a lovely day so after the service we all came out to your grave (how I hate saying that!), your funeral flowers have seen better days because of the frost, so I gave you your new ones in a pint tankard which I'm sure you will appreciate. Gabriel was running around the graveyard which I'm not sure is entirely appropriate, but I think it's nice to have some joy there with you x
I know your sisters Gladys and Rosie and your brother Tom have been down to see you, auntie Mags is still rather poorly so she hasn't been able to yet but she will, look after her daddy. We went back to tea (of course!) at Uncle Tom's, he had the mail on Sunday there and it reminded me so much of you.
I miss you so much Daddy, I can still hardly believe you're not here anymore. I keep expecting you to ring me or be downstairs all the time, or to see you walking down the hill. I just want to see you, hug you tight and tell you how much I love you. It's not fair that you aren't here anymore.

Love you always,

Helen xxx

A beautiful send off for a wonderful man xx

Dear Daddy,

Yesterday was your funeral. The night before you were brought home, I couldn't believe that it was you inside that coffin. We laid you out in the piano room, lit the holy candle and put a beautiful photo of you at my wedding amongst the lilies on top of your coffin. We were all there, Father Paul, auntie Kim and Rosie came over. Paul had his frock on (you'd have laughed!), we all gathered around your body had prayers read and you were blessed, It was very special and so beautiful.later on we raised a toast in your honour and sang some of your favourite songs, it really was a beautiful night and you would have enjoyed it.
The morning of your funeral dawned, what a glorious day, crisp clear skies and a beaming winter sun. We all gathered around you and sang calon lan I know you were there with us daddy. We followed you to St Johns (you even got a salute from a policeman)where this first service took place, there was a huge turn out for you! The church was packed and there was a big crowd gathered outside. Father Dewi Roberts conducted the service and although it was a monumentally sad occasion for us, the service was joyful and full of hope. Father Paul read the gospel and a personal eulogy to you, the star of the service was undoubtedly your best friend Gwyn. He had written a eulogy to reflect your kindness and generosity he read it perfectly in church, you would have loved it and definately have had a tear in your eye x.
We then made the journey to Bridell for the second service of the day it was a long journey following behind you dad, but on such a glorious day we were comforted by natures beauty (and a hipflask of brandy). On our arrival at St David's church Bridell we were greeted by your family. Jonathan, John, Richard, Alan, Neil and Robert carried you to church, there was another huge crowd gathered outside, daddy you were so popular. We sang your favourite hymn 'abide with me' you loved that song and always used to blast out Shirley Bassey singing it! Uncle Tom wrote a eulogy for you and the canon read it out, it was wonderful to hear of your life as a boy, again you would have had atear in your eye. I read a poem for you too Daddy, you must have been with me because I don't know how I got up and spoke otherwise, I hope I made you proud I always wanted to x. You were buried at Bridell on a beautiful crisp, sunny winters day, your son and nephews lowered you and they were all honoured to do so. I watched you go deeper into the earth and I felt like my heart would break, but I know that's not really you, only your body.
We all then went back to the Gwbert hotel, it was such a beautiful day and I know you loved Cardigan bay, the view was breathtaking.

So many people were there to see you off and they all had wonderful things to say about you, two of your old colleagues were there, John Ashford and Peter Hawkes, it really does say a lot about you that they made the journey and came to both services.
As always where you are concerned there is a bit of a story to the homeward journey which I will tell you all about at some point!

Goodnight dear Daddy, love you always,

Helen xxx

Missing you x

Dear Daddy,

Today has been hard, no, everyday has been hard. Today they collected you from the hospital, we gave them clothes for you to wear. You always looked smart, never without a shirt and tie, we sent your best suit (we had it dry cleaned of course!) and I got you a new shirt, socks and pants, we polished your shoes and chose you a tie, I hope you like what we chose for you. I got you a bible to take with you aswell it felt important that you should have that, and Katie put in a beautiful photo of the two of you when you went to Barcelona. I hope you know that we are all so proud of everything you achieved in what was supposed to be a little retirement job but turned out to be something you excelled at, of course due to your incredible personality. So many people thought so highly of you, myself included. You are back in Cardigan now so you can expect a few visitors over the next couple of days. You will be coming home for the last time on Wednesday, I think that is what you would want. I hope we are doing things the way you would have wanted us to, we are determined to give you a beautiful send off. We have chosen four hymns for you, you loved to sing and I think they are hymns that you will enjoy and that will get everyone singing. Its going to be so hard following you into church, I am going to read a poem for you that I hope you will enjoy, I will be able to do it because i'm doing it for you daddy and I know you will be with me.
I have put together an album of all the digital photos we have of you, I love it! You are so happy in all of the pictures and that is exactly how I want to remember you. I have decided against seeing you now, it just won't be you, I hope you understand why i've made this decision. I want to remember my Daddy as the vibrant charcter that he was, happy and smiling. I hope you don't feel that i've let you down by not seeing you, I will be there of course though I know you have already left that body, I hope you are still here in someway and that you know how much I love you.
I've been looking at photos from when we went to Berlin, i'm so glad we had that weekend we spent a lot of time together and I enjoyed your company immensely, I always did.

Love you always,

Helen xx

A week today x

Dear Daddy,

Well, it's been a week. An awful week, a week that has gone so fast. It's been 9 days since I saw you. We said goodnight, little did I know that it would be for the last time. I'm so glad I worked that Thursday night and had that precious time with you, chatting and laughing. I hope you knew that I loved you as a father but also as a friend. Your friendliness and happy nature lit this place up, my God you are missed. I loved hearing you and Gwyn laughing and joking, telling stories of your past antics, what fun you must have had on those rugby trips! We are getting a book for everyone to write the stories in, it says 'A wonderful life' on the cover and I think you did have a wonderful life. Dai buzz said you are with Byron having a pint! I hope you are enjoying heaven, you always used to say 'Jesus wants me for a sunbeam', well now he has you and you will be the brightest sunbeam in the sky, the one that makes everyone feel happy. Send my love to everyone up there and tell Victor thanks for coming to see me, if you ever want to come visit there will always be a warm welcome for you. I wonder if he was trying to tell me that you would soon be joining him, it's funny that it was your birthday when he visited me on that ouija board, tell him I'm so glad that he did.
I wake up every morning thinking I've had a nightmare, but it's real you aren't on this earth anymore. I will carry on looking after you though Daddy, I will be down to see you as often as I can and you will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

Love you always,

Helen xx

6 days....

Dear Daddy,

Its been 6 days since you left us, I still can't believe you're gone. I miss you constantly and love you so much. I wish you were here.
Today I registered your death, I am trying to be strong and do the best I can for you but it is so hard. We learned that you had a heart attack, I hope it happened so fast that you knew nothing about it, I hate to think of you alone and in pain.
We have planned your funeral, you will be buried at Bridell very close to your parents. It's beautiful there, we chose you a lovely spot near the Church door so you will have plenty of visitors, you loved people and people loved you, we didn't think you'd want to be tucked away in the corner.
We are showing Gabriel photos of you, and will keep doing so, he will not forget his Grandad who loved him so much. I'm glad that you knew him, I just wish you could have stayed longer and seen him grow.
We have had so many messages since you passed, you would be so proud to know how much people loved you and will miss you. One place you are already missed is The Com, this place will never be the same without you at the bar smiling and making everyone feel welcome. I will miss you being there and chatting to me when I work.

Love you,

Helen xx

Goodbye to my darling Daddy.

Dear Daddy,

My Darling Daddy, Garfield George Jenkins.

Firstly I want to tell you that I love you so much and I hope that you know it and never doubted it. You are the best daddy ever, you were so kind and generous both materially and in spirit. I have never seen anyone who had such an amazing outlook on life, you were always happy and so positive, you never had a bad word to say about anyone and you never complained about anything.
You loss to me is immeasurable, I will never forget the afternoon of Saturday, January 21st 2012. I'm sorry you passed away alone, I wish I had been there for you at the end. I can only hope that it happened so quickly that you experienced no suffering and that you knew how much you were loved. I wish you had told me you were feeling unwell - but that wasn't your way, you would never have told anyone in a million years and I know I would never have gotten you to a doctor or God forbid a hospital!
Everyone misses you so much already, my world is a different place without you.


Love you,


Helen x