One card is missing.....

Dear Daddy,

Yesterday was my 30th birthday, I tried to be festive but really it was rather a sombre day for me. We stayed at the Gwbert hotel on Sunday night, you'd love it there and I kept thinking that we'd have to get you to come down but of course that's not possible. You knew the place though and loved it there, the beauty of cardigan bay makes me feel close to you somehow, I know how proud you were to have come from such a beautiful part of the world. Lee, Gabriel and I came to Bridell to see you yesterday, it didn't feel right not seeing you on my birthday, I brought you some narcissus and daffodil potted bulbs so you should have colour there for a while.
I had a party at the pub on Saturday night it was fun, I just wish you had been there but we all raised a couple of glasses to you and will continue to do so regularly.
I got so many great presents and cards but I long for the card from you that should be amongst them x

Miss you so much daddy, love you forever,

Helen xxx

Painting a picture for Grandad

Dear Daddy,

I'm missing you a lot today, it's coming up to our fourth week without you. It doesn't seem real, but it is. I miss seeing you and hearing your voice, you are no longer on my recent calls list. Your car is here now and I keep waiting for you, I don't know what to do with the car. I had a good chat with Gwyn last night and I gave him a photo of the two of you at my wedding, he misses you so much aswell. It's my birthday soon, we are going to stay down in Gwbert and will come to see you both days we are down there, I wish you were here to celebrate with me.
Gabriel and I did some painting this afternoon, he said he was painting a picture for grandad - I wish he could give it to you.
I've got a picture of you on the wall now, you look so happy and well in it. I can't believe i'm never going to see you again.

I love you daddy,

Helen xxx

Gabriel's first haircut!

Dear Daddy,

Katie and I took Gabriel for his first haircut today. We went to a children's hairdresser shop in mumbles he loved it!! He had a play with the toys they had there then he got up in the big boys chair (barbers stool) and they put peppa pig on his own little tv for him. He was good as gold having his haircut, sat really still and ate the biscuits the hairdresser gave him. He has a little short back and sides now with a side parting, its a lot like your hair actually! He looks so smart and grown up, you'd be so proud, wish you were here.

Love you daddy,

Helen xxx

Missing you today daddy x

Dear Daddy,

I miss you. Today I have missed you a lot. I went back to cake class today, I haven't been since you died. You always watched the bar so Lee could look after Gabriel when I went there. When I came home today you weren't there, I wondered why and then I remembered. You used to come up and sit with me and Gabriel when I came back from class, the last time I went the three of us sat at the table and had spaghetti bolognaise for dinner, it was exactly 3 weeks ago. I've been checking my phone all the time today, I just realised I've been waiting for you to ring me.
I love you daddy and miss you so much.

Love you always,

Helen xx

Monday, Monday x

Dear Daddy,

Hope you're having a good time up there, please feel free to visit anytime! It's been another tough day without you. I had to hand the keys to your flat back today. I went there first to get the meter readings for the utilities, your mat was still outside the door and your name still on the mailbox but the flat was completely empty. Don't worry though we have all your stuff at mums garage and we will be using it all, we don't want to forget you daddy and we won't I promise x
Gabriel has been poorly today, he has a cold and his little voice is all husky bless him. I keep showing him photos of you and of course he knows his grandad! I forgot to tell you about the night we had a bit of snow, Gabriel was watching it fall through the window in the office, he was getting so excited and shouting its snowing. My first thought was to ring you to come see him, but of course I couldn't, I hope you saw it anyway.
He has been a little monkey about going to bed since you've been gone, I've had to cuddle him to sleep every night. I don't mind though as you know he is a little darling, just look at him!
I'm going to carry on writing to you to keep you up to date with what's going on here.

Love you always,

Helen xx

Visiting your grave for the first time x

Dear Daddy,

Today we came to visit you for the first time, I got you some pink roses and yellow one from Gabriel. It was so strange to buy you flowers, I so wish I didn't need to. Mum, Katie, Gabriel and I went to the service at Bridell. Gabriel was so funny, even though he has a nasty cold he is just the sweetest, funniest little boy, I'm sure he takes after you in character. He didn't want to sit still in church, he had his little blue racing car and he was climbing up and down the pews and running up and down the aisle. I tried to get him to sit down but the canon told me to let him carry on, so I did. Well he was climbing in and out of the pulpit, talking to the canon during prayers and running up to the altar, carrying the kneeling cushions back to me, piling them up and climbing on top, we were all giggling, he even tried to join in with the organist!! He really is keeping me going at the moment.

It was a lovely day so after the service we all came out to your grave (how I hate saying that!), your funeral flowers have seen better days because of the frost, so I gave you your new ones in a pint tankard which I'm sure you will appreciate. Gabriel was running around the graveyard which I'm not sure is entirely appropriate, but I think it's nice to have some joy there with you x
I know your sisters Gladys and Rosie and your brother Tom have been down to see you, auntie Mags is still rather poorly so she hasn't been able to yet but she will, look after her daddy. We went back to tea (of course!) at Uncle Tom's, he had the mail on Sunday there and it reminded me so much of you.
I miss you so much Daddy, I can still hardly believe you're not here anymore. I keep expecting you to ring me or be downstairs all the time, or to see you walking down the hill. I just want to see you, hug you tight and tell you how much I love you. It's not fair that you aren't here anymore.

Love you always,

Helen xxx

A beautiful send off for a wonderful man xx

Dear Daddy,

Yesterday was your funeral. The night before you were brought home, I couldn't believe that it was you inside that coffin. We laid you out in the piano room, lit the holy candle and put a beautiful photo of you at my wedding amongst the lilies on top of your coffin. We were all there, Father Paul, auntie Kim and Rosie came over. Paul had his frock on (you'd have laughed!), we all gathered around your body had prayers read and you were blessed, It was very special and so beautiful.later on we raised a toast in your honour and sang some of your favourite songs, it really was a beautiful night and you would have enjoyed it.
The morning of your funeral dawned, what a glorious day, crisp clear skies and a beaming winter sun. We all gathered around you and sang calon lan I know you were there with us daddy. We followed you to St Johns (you even got a salute from a policeman)where this first service took place, there was a huge turn out for you! The church was packed and there was a big crowd gathered outside. Father Dewi Roberts conducted the service and although it was a monumentally sad occasion for us, the service was joyful and full of hope. Father Paul read the gospel and a personal eulogy to you, the star of the service was undoubtedly your best friend Gwyn. He had written a eulogy to reflect your kindness and generosity he read it perfectly in church, you would have loved it and definately have had a tear in your eye x.
We then made the journey to Bridell for the second service of the day it was a long journey following behind you dad, but on such a glorious day we were comforted by natures beauty (and a hipflask of brandy). On our arrival at St David's church Bridell we were greeted by your family. Jonathan, John, Richard, Alan, Neil and Robert carried you to church, there was another huge crowd gathered outside, daddy you were so popular. We sang your favourite hymn 'abide with me' you loved that song and always used to blast out Shirley Bassey singing it! Uncle Tom wrote a eulogy for you and the canon read it out, it was wonderful to hear of your life as a boy, again you would have had atear in your eye. I read a poem for you too Daddy, you must have been with me because I don't know how I got up and spoke otherwise, I hope I made you proud I always wanted to x. You were buried at Bridell on a beautiful crisp, sunny winters day, your son and nephews lowered you and they were all honoured to do so. I watched you go deeper into the earth and I felt like my heart would break, but I know that's not really you, only your body.
We all then went back to the Gwbert hotel, it was such a beautiful day and I know you loved Cardigan bay, the view was breathtaking.

So many people were there to see you off and they all had wonderful things to say about you, two of your old colleagues were there, John Ashford and Peter Hawkes, it really does say a lot about you that they made the journey and came to both services.
As always where you are concerned there is a bit of a story to the homeward journey which I will tell you all about at some point!

Goodnight dear Daddy, love you always,

Helen xxx